I reach, pulling from below. Scraping through hordes and anomalies. Contrary viewpoints clouding my sight. They rush to encourage and praise until they no longer do.
Tumbling now, feeling uneasy among friends. A flamboyant flourish of dust to clear the air. They squint a moment and move in again.
“So good to see you! How are you?”
Lies upon lies to stifle my movement. Do we ever truly mean it? It’s probably just me.
An odd look. A disguised intent. Was too much said? Not enough? Relative to what?
Scrambling for a point of reference, my palpitations become more palpable. They pretend not to notice, or perhaps they never do. I’m temporarily camouflaged by their self obsessions.
Another near miss.
I look up for a moment to see her staring at me. Her eyes are steady. Hunger lingers beyond the civilized veneer. I look away, unwilling to cause further devastation.
Maybe I’ll destroy the next one.
Back in my car, I regret my casual drowning and shove the feelings away with justifying outlooks. They watch me from within. All of them needing something of me that I cannot provide.
My cup falleth over.
Nothing pours forth but a shattering spray of dangerous footing. Watching my step, I edge around the breaking point, careful to look away as often as I can.
Ignorance is an option with a heavy padlock. Where is that damn key? Fumbling I forget what I was after. Guess I’ll try this new door. It lurks and forebodes with promises of pain and victory.
My bottle opener mingles relief with regret before it’s even torqued. Another missed opportunity. I’ll try again tomorrow.
A new job, a sad day, another reason to raise the glass. Either way it tugs away my self worth, layer by layer. It’s getting drafty in here. I bundle distractions around my skin and hide away the truth.
Its glorious warmth upon my up-turned face. I bask and forget, taken away toward the ultimate.
Then I waver.
There are others around. They judge and question my motives, assessing my sanity and guarding their eyes. Glances dart like hummingbirds to avoid the truth.
Sighing, I move on and merge with the crowd. There is much to do, and hardly a breath of passion to get me through it. There will be more sunshine tomorrow.
Swaying behind the clouds it whispers to me. On a clear night, its wide-eyed glare suggests something new to consider. As I gaze, I wander from its message and forget why I even bother. The shadows captivate, then become mundane as I take note.
The glimpse of bliss is gone in the instant it’s noticed. Can it be sustained? What brings it about? I’ll wait for the next one and see if I can hold on just a little longer.
The rain picks up. It drums the roof and reminds me of safety. I’m thankful for shelter and a place to stay.
Brian Relay is a digital artist with ten years of random work experience that loosely relates to his field of study. He lives in New Hampshire with his Batman figurines and his collection of half-resolved issues. Together with his un-imaginary friend, they’ve successfully completed their very first comic book. Also, he recently picked up the novel that was collecting digi-dust for an embarrassing amount of time. He’ll let you know when it’s done.